Childhood Trauma in Adulthood (and What You Can Do About It)

“Why Do I Struggle Like This?”

You’re successful in many areas of your life — maybe even high-achieving — yet, there are just some patterns you can't shake. Some feelings that linger:

• You freeze up during conflict.

• You feel disconnected from your emotions, or overwhelmed by them.

• Relationships feel intense, unpredictable, or just plain hard.

• You battle shame or feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken.

Many people don't realize what childhood trauma in adulthood can look like. They don't know that the challenges they face in adulthood may have deep roots in emotional wounds from early on in life. These wounds often go unrecognized, especially if there was no obvious abuse or major traumatic event. If you've ever thought, "but so and so has had it so much worse than I did" then this might be you. But just because something was “normal” growing up doesn’t mean it was nurturing. And when emotional needs aren’t met consistently in childhood, the effects don’t disappear — they echo throughout adulthood, especially in how we relate to ourselves and others.

What Are Early Emotional Wounds?

Early emotional wounds are experiences — often repeated over time — where a child’s basic emotional needs weren’t met.

This includes needs like:

• Feeling safe and protected

• Being seen, heard, and valued

• Having your emotions acknowledged and regulated by a caregiver

• Experiencing consistent love, attention, and boundaries

  
  

When these needs aren’t met — due to neglect, emotional unavailability, harsh criticism, parental stress, or trauma in the home — a child’s nervous system adapts to survive.

These adaptations are not flaws. They are intelligent survival responses that come from the nervous system. But over time, they shape how we view ourselves, how we connect with others, and how we experience the world. All of this is what's known as developmental trauma or attachment trauma.

How Early Emotional Wounds Affect the Nervous System

When a child repeatedly feels unsafe, unseen, or unsupported, their nervous system begins to live in a state of threat — even when no immediate danger is present. This is when your trauma responses kick in. For those who experienced early childhood traumas, these patterns started early on. They may feel like, "just the way I am."

• The fight response might show up as defensiveness, reactivity, or anger.

• The flight response could look like perfectionism, overworking, or constant busyness to distract yourself from what's hard (whether you know it's a distraction or not.)

• The freeze response may appear as emotional numbing, disconnection, or dissociation.

• The appease response often manifests as people-pleasing, over-accommodating, or losing your sense of self in relationships.

• The fawn response looks like co-dependency. This response is similar to appease but different in that it psuedo feeling of true safety inside of an unhealthy relationship.

  
  

5 Ways Early Emotional Wounds Shape Adult Life

1. Struggles with Self-Worth

One of the most enduring impacts of childhood trauma in adults is a deep-rooted sense of shame.

You might…

• Feel like you’re never doing enough

• Compare yourself constantly to others

• Have a harsh inner critic that never lets up

• Dismiss your accomplishments or downplay your pain

These feelings don’t mean you're inherently flawed — they often stem from not being affirmed, attuned to, or emotionally mirrored as a child. If your emotions were minimized or if you were praised only for achievements, it's easy to grow up believing your worth is conditional.

2. Emotional Numbing or Flooding

Some adults feel constantly overwhelmed by their emotions, while others feel disconnected or numb. Many people swing between both.

That’s because when emotional expression wasn't safe or welcomed in childhood, the body learned to shut it down or store it away.

Common signs of unresolved trauma include:

• Crying unexpectedly or not being able to cry at all

• Struggling to name what you're feeling

• Feeling “blank” or “spaced out” in moments of stress

• Experiencing sudden emotional outbursts after small triggers

These aren’t character flaws. They’re protective mechanisms that helped you survive.

3. Relationship Difficulties

Unresolved trauma often shows up in our closest relationships. You might:

• Fear abandonment or rejection

• Avoid intimacy or vulnerability

• Attract emotionally unavailable partners

• Struggle to set boundaries or feel guilt when you do

• Feel overly responsible for others’ emotions

This happens because our early attachment experiences shape our relational blueprint. If love was inconsistent, unpredictable, or earned through caretaking, our adult nervous systems will continue to look for safety in familiar — but often unhealthy — dynamics.

4. Perfectionism and Overfunctioning

If you learned that love or safety depended on being “good,” successful, or self-reliant, you may have developed perfectionistic tendencies.

Signs include:

• Constantly striving for more, never feeling “done”

• Difficulty resting or slowing down

• Feeling responsible for everything and everyone

• Feeling like failure is not an option

This can be exhausting — and isolating. Beneath perfectionism is often a deep fear of being judged, rejected, or unloved if you show your full, imperfect self.

5. Disconnection from the Body

Many people who experienced early trauma learn to disconnect from their bodies. This is especially true for those who experienced emotional neglect, chronic stress, or abuse.

You might notice:

• Trouble identifying hunger, fatigue, or pain

• A tendency to stay “in your head” all the time

• Feeling uncomfortable being still or silent

• Difficulty experiencing pleasure or relaxation

Dissociation from the body is a common response when the body wasn’t a safe place to be. Healing involves gently and safely reconnecting to it.

So What Can You Do About It?

You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. Healing childhood trauma is possible — and it starts with compassion, curiosity, and the right kind of support.

Here are some trauma-informed paths toward healing:

1. Work with a Trauma-Responsive Therapist

Look for someone trained in somatic or attachment-based approaches — therapies that go beyond talking and help you heal at a nervous system level.

Effective modalities include:

• Brainspotting therapy (targets the subcortical brain where trauma is stored)

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic Experiencing

• Parts work/Internal Family Systems (IFS)

These approaches help you move from simply understanding your trauma to actually healing it — gently and safely.

2. Reconnect with Your Body

Practices like yoga, breathwork, walking in nature, or even mindful stretching can help you slowly rebuild a sense of safety in your body. At Woven Wholeness, we are trained in advance practices, like HeartMath modalities, to teach you how to be with your body, triggers, and dysregulation in a manageable and effective way.

The goal isn’t to force presence, but to invite it — little by little, on your own terms.

3. Challenge the Inner Critic with Compassion

Instead of battling your critical inner voice, get curious about it.

Ask:

“What is this part of me trying to protect?”“How did this belief help me survive as a kid?”

Bringing compassion to these protective parts can soften their grip and open the door for new, more supportive self-talk. We combine parts work, brainspotting, expressive arts, and more to help you explore the roots of your pain and experience them in a way that allows you to untangle knots that may have been tied all of your life.

4. Build Safe, Secure Relationships

The medicine is relationship — especially when your early wounds happened in relationships, too.

This could mean:

• Practicing boundaries

• Letting safe people in slowly

• Being honest about your needs

• Allowing others to show up for you — even if it’s uncomfortable at first

Co-regulation (the process of feeling safe and connected with another nervous system) is a powerful part of trauma recovery.

You Are Not Broken — You Are Healing

The ways you’ve adapted were smart. You learned how to survive in a world that didn’t always feel safe. You don't have to live in survival mode for forever though. This work isn't about blaming parents or "fixing yourself," it's about reclaiming the parts of you that learned to hide, disconnect, or build a wall to feel okay. You deserve connection, wholeness, to be celebrated and to celebrate yourself.